Such Overwhelming Responsibility - Maybe!
I hope that as you’ve gotten to know me, you realize how seriously I take my responsibility of being an excellent teacher in every way for each of my students and their parents.
Interestingly, I’m discovering a new responsibility and a new teacher/student relationship the longer I tutor. This has taken me by surprise.
As a classroom teacher, I struggled having to say good-bye to “my” children at the end of each school year. I would be in tears—tears I needed to hide. I knew I’d miss each one of them, but I’d send them off knowing they were going to have wonderful teachers the next year. When they walked out the door, my responsibility as their teacher ended.
I looked forward to the times I’d see them in the hallway. I looked forward to watching them grow.
Tutoring is a whole different ball game!
I’m discovering that I don’t have a set number of days to teach my tutees. I totally move at their pace, making sure they are successful and reach mastery of each skill I teach them. When they finish Part 14 in Phonetic Reading with Silent Elephant “e”, they are ready to graduate from me—at least that was my goal and anticipated outcome when I wrote my reading program.
But after 9 years of tutoring, I’m realizing that this is not always the case.
Although my tutees are academically ready to leave me, many of them, and their parents, are not emotionally ready to let go of our relationship upon completion of Part 14. This was something I wasn’t prepared for.
One time, a ten-year-old girl ran upstairs and hid in an upstairs bedroom on her last day with me. She wouldn’t leave. Her dad went up to talk to her. I went up to talk to her reassuring her that she was going to do beautifully in school and that she could visit me whenever she wanted. I gave her lots of hugs while telling her how much I love her. I then went downstairs to tutor two more children for the next two hours. She still didn’t come down.
At 7:30 that evening, I went up again with some hot chocolate and cookies. We talked more and hugged. Finally, she was ready for my service dogs and me to walk her home.
To this day, she still frequently walks by, waves through the window, texts me with holiday wishes and comes over to play ball with my new service dog.
I love her so much. She’s like a granddaughter to me.
She wasn’t the only one of my kiddos who wasn’t ready to graduate even though their reading skills were advanced.
As the end of another school year was approaching, “Troy”, a sixth-grade boy, asked me, “What happens when I graduate from you?”
I explained that he wouldn’t need to come to tutoring anymore because he was far ahead in reading now. “I’m so proud of you! You’ve worked so hard! You’re an advanced reader!”
He slowly, painfully asked, “Do you miss the kids that graduate from you?”
“Yes, I do, very much!” I answered. “But I still see them sometimes. I go to their football and basketball games, their gymnastics meets and their school plays. They come over at Christmas time for hot cocoa. I’ll still get to see you.”
“Oh,” was all he said.
At our next tutoring session, he bounced in the door with a big smile on his face! “My mom said I’m going to keep coming to tutoring! I need help with math now.” He was beaming ear to ear.
I was so surprised! I knew he didn’t need help with math, I also knew it was difficult for his family to afford tutoring. I wasn’t sure just what to say.
When Mom came in to pick him up, he happily ran out the door to climb the tree in the front yard. I somewhat tentatively said to Mom, “Troy told me he’s going to continue tutoring.”
Mom winked, “Oh yes, he needs help with math. He’ll come only once a week. The truth is, Troy needs you. You’re his lifeline. You build his self-confidence. He needs you!”
I didn’t know what to say—I hadn’t seen this coming. I felt honored and humbled, yet in some respects I felt somewhat frightened and concerned about this new role I was to fill in Troy’s life.
I looked at her and smiled, “I don’t know what to say. I’m honored to continue tutoring Troy. I love him as one of my grandboys. Thank you!” But this left me wondering. I’m still tutoring him once a week for an hour.
Then two and a half years ago, one of my 11th graders was completing Part 14 at the end of December. She kept stalling and stalling, not wanting to have our last lesson. She’d tell me, “I need help with an English paper. I need help with my algebra practice test. I want to do some more timed readings.”
Finally, at the end of January I said, “Sweetie, you are reading at a college reading level now. When you started tutoring with me a year and a half ago, you were at a fifth-grade reading level. Look what you’ve accomplished in such a short time! You’re going to do beautifully for the rest of your high school career and in college! You’re awesome! I believe in you!”
Then I realized that like Troy and my 10-year-old who hid in the bedroom, she was afraid of letting go of me and the support I meant to her. I assured her, “You can call, text and/or visit anytime. I will always want to keep in touch, to hear about all the amazing things you’re doing. You’ve got this! I love you so much!”
Finally, realizing she wouldn’t be losing me, she was able to let that day be her last tutoring day. We both had tears in our eyes and exchanged big hugs. She and her mom always call on my birthday and text on holidays. I send her birthday cards. She called a couple of months ago to discuss her college course selection that she’s considering for next year—her sophomore year! She’s majoring in neurology!
I’m so proud of her! I love her dearly!
Those three are not the only ones.
I have 4 other high schoolers that text often, send pictures and call occasionally. Before COVID, I attended their sporting events and class plays and they dropped by at Christmas for chocolate chip cookies and hot cocoa.
Presently I have 4 kiddos that are tutoring with me one or two hours a week who have graduated from Part 14 but who are just not ready to end tutoring. They range in age from 9 to 14. I am tutoring them in advanced reading and spelling skills and helping with homework in language arts, math, science, and social studies.
I have found myself quietly examining my new responsibility--one of continuing to support some of my students until they feel that not only are they excellent readers, writers, and spellers, but that they can trust themselves to confidently handle anything that comes their way.
This responsibility can feel a little overwhelming but then maybe it’s the natural progression for them that I can’t rush any more than I could have rushed their learning phonemic awareness and phonics.
When I feel it this way, I just relax and smile and LOVE that I get to continue to be a part of their lives as an educator and as a caring, loving person who will always know they will succeed.
Now, I don’t have to let them go at the end of Part 14 - I get to watch them fly when they are ready to fly.
If you have any questions are Silent Elephant “e” or becoming a tutor, contact us.